To Kates

Saiyans become stronger when they come close to death.

Some changes can be figuratively fatal to “you”.

I’ve been thinking about how different I am compared to a year ago. Drastically different compared to two years ago.

Old Kate:

• Growth at all costs

• Arbitrarily results-oriented

• Wanted things fast

• Anxious about what I couldn’t control

If old Kate sounds like a bad person, she wasn’t. She was just trying to figure out how to navigate the world. I’ve learned to forgive her, and to thank her for bringing me to where I am now.

New Kate:

• Growth, but sustainably

• Nuance matters

• Private relationships aren’t meant to be hacked or optimized with frameworks

• Much happier

What really changed?

It’s hard to see adversity as a blessing while you’re in it. But with time, I’ve come to believe that the hard pivots and uncomfortable changes were necessary. They stripped away what no longer fit and forced me to rebuild with more intention. The version of me that couldn’t survive the change had to die for this one to emerge.

Like a Saiyan that bounced back from death, I became stronger.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. Think constantly on the changes of the elements into each other, for such thoughts wash away the dust of earthly life.”

— Marcus Aurelius

Each time I thought I’d hit the deepest end of the dip—the genuine, this-is-it kind—I eventually fared better after. It required a stomach for longer horizons and impermanence. The kind of patience and faith Old Kate didn’t have.

The outcomes were better:

• More time with my family

• Feeling genuinely appreciated

• Stronger relationships

• Reclaiming agency over my time and health

I can’t say I entirely enjoy being in the deepest pit all the time, but this piece is here to remind me that it will be okay.

The old Kates, the current, and the future will figure it out together.